- 2018-11-1817:42 来源：小站整理
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雅思口语原文：I’d like to share a funny story with you. When I was about 10 years old, you know, a boy full of energy and never in a peaceful mind, I was running around freely in a city park.
这位考生将“一次谈话”和“一个有趣的外国人”两个话题结合起来了，这个本身并没有问题，但是问题感觉干巴巴的，开头段介绍事情发生的时间地点人物。但是时间介绍上(when I was about 10 years old)太过于抽象，所以我加上了一句 it took place。并在I was running…前面加上one day来合理细化时间。you know, a boy full of energy and never in a peaceful mind此句显得多余，可以删去。
雅思口语批改：I’d like to share a funny story with you. It took place when I was about 10 years old. One day as I was jogging in a city park,
雅思口语原文：Suddenly on the corner ,I nearly bumped into a middle-aged man who is a medium-built foreigner around 5.3 feet, a little fat but with sparkling eyes which is so beautiful and attractive that I couldn’t help looking so much. I stopped and said sorry to him sincerely. Fortunately He was not irritable and said it’s ok.
雅思口语批改：One day as I was running around freely in a city park,I nearly bumped right into a man at a corner. Not until he apologized in poor Chinese did I realize he was a foreigner! To tell you the truth the guy was actually good-looking. He was about 5.3 feet tall, a little fat but blue eyes sparkled with charisma, which really appealed to me.
雅思口语原文：At the moment I found that there were about seven dogs frolicking around him, they seemed to be cute corgis then I asked him what was he doing with them?
接着注意到了外国人身边有七条柯基犬，(found改为noticed更为准确，seemed to be也显多余，可以直接删除)，于是有了这段对话。
雅思口语批改：At the moment I noticed that there were about seven corgi puppies frolicking around him. So I asked him what he was doing.
He responded that he was just racing with his small pets and the first one would be given the name Gabriel the same as his and the rest would be named from number one to six.
first one 指代不明，改成winner of the game会明确很多。
雅思口语批改：He responded that he was just racing with his puppies and the winner of the game would be named Gabriel -- just the same as his and the rest would be named from one to six.
That was so funny I never heard before. I said how did he come up with this idea? He said he had no idea but it occurred to him suddenly when he saw children running around. Oh maybe I made some contributions for him. Finally, I said goodbye to him and wished him a good ending.
这一段用于描述自己的反应和感受,但是表达过于中式。第一句话是个病句，可以更改成 It was so funny that I was cracked up. 后面进一步加强，I even started to wonder how he came up with the idea. 然后外国人解释，he told me he had a tough time figuring out how to name the dogs till he saw some kids running around in this park one day.
雅思口语批改：It was so funny that I was cracked up. A bit confused, the foreigner, however, went on to explain that he had a tough time figuring out how to name the dogs till he saw some kids running around in this park one day. I have to say it was a brilliant yet quite novel idea. Don’t you think so?以上就是小站雅思君为大家整理的雅思口语练习中常见的积累问题，更多雅思口语批改及考试资讯，请继续关注小站雅思频道。